The pros and cons of MUGGING

Pro #1: You may tell your parents that you have worked hard and in the case that you do not do well, you may blame the paper for being difficult. They might even reward you for your hard work. They will also think you are responsible.


Con #1: If you write notes, your hand will die. Repetitive motion injury. And your hand will hurt while you write during the exam. You will also write very slowly or illegibly, either leaving you unable to finish the paper or with the teacher unable or barely able to read your untidy scrawl.


Pro #2: You will not feel guilty or regretful if you do badly because you know you tried.


Con #2: If you memorise, your brain may explode. Not literally. But if you cram too much information into your brain, you may a. forget all of it. b. mix it all up c. have a splitting headache during the exam and be unable to work properly.


Pro #3: You are more likely to get higher marks. Self-explanatory.


Con #3: You will miss out a whole lot of fun during the time which you are studying. (Unless you are the only one of your friends not studying, then go study with them.)


Pro #4: You can have study groups. It makes studying more fun than it is.


Con #4: You may become fat. Lack of exercise, caused by no time due to too much studying may occur. The chocolate you are eating to persuade yourself to study may make the situation worse.


Pro #5: You will not have to attend remedial. Remedials are boring. And they are every week, even when the exams are not nearing. Better to study during exam periods than all the time.


Con #5: It tends to be rather taxing. Black rings may appear around your eyes from sleeping late.


Pros: 5


Cons: 5


They are even.



Take your pick. Work hard or not, it's your choice. I shall work hard, because I think that the results are worth the sacrifice. Equivalent Exchange, I suppose. Delayed fun, brain explosion, hand muscle detioriation, panda eyes, and gaining weight are worth the guilt-less fun I can have after the exams.


Hard work is also something you can do when there is no more fun to be had. At least you know you're doing something productive.




ℓαяmεηίαℓ

Modernisation, and how it rocks... and sucks

Estonia is back again. To spam rant. And this time, it's about something universal - modernisation. And yes, I am going to rant about how the world is getting more scientific, smarter, and more advanced. What a cheerful topic!

Note: Before I begin my rant, I wish to add that if Lithie does not post in five more of mine, I will chop her up, drag her to the com lab, and scatter her body bits around. In the com lab, so that it will be more convenient for her to post after she's dead.

Right. Rant. This is a rant about modernisation. So, well, what's the big deal about modernisation? Here's the deal

Pros and Cons of Modernisation

Pros

1. We get more intelligent all the time. What with all the advances in transportation, next time we'll be able to get from here to America in a minute.

2. Less work to do, more time to play, since all the machines do the work for us. And next time, when we have robots, we probably don't even have to do work. Yay!

3. It will probably lead to a better economy, since the parts needed for robots will increase in demand. Yay!

4. More meds for diseases, like cancer and AIDS. Yay!

Cons

1. There will probably be more stupid Disney movies like High School Crapsicle, Hannah Montana and Camp Rock. Sorry, but Disney, they simply suck. You should save the time used on filming and go back to sane 2-d. And please don't make 2-d bimbos, because that would defeat the point of it all.

2. Less human-to-human contact, since the machinery and robots do all of it for us. Which would, in turn, half as intelligent as we already are. And you thought we couldn't get any stupider.

So that actually means that modernisation is... good? Well, maybe for you it is. But I don't fancy becoming less intelligent, so for me, it's bad. But you may have different ideas. I mean, I'm not speaking for anyone, just myself.

So yes. Enjoy this nice spam post while I go and get more ideas for more spam posts.

~Estonia~

Hell hath no fury like parents with a daughter with a bad MSG

a. k. a. the post where Lithuania whines about how screwed she is for PTM.

Recipe for disaster:

Take anime addiction, a dislike for studying in general, and the complete confidence that you can get away with anything, mash together. You will be left with two parents who know nothing about the block tests and a teenaged brat who thinks she is too good for studying.

Add some time, a dash of denial, a sprinkle of procrastination, and yet some more delirious overconfidence (seriously, was I high or something? Did they really drug the Milo?), and you get suckish marks that are ugly in their own right and look even worse on a report card, two oblivious-but-not-for-long parents, a parent-teacher meeting, and a very, very frazzled teenaged brat...who still thinks she's too good for studying.

And now, there is only one thing left to say.

CRAP.

This is my farewell post. The way things are going, I'll never be able to use this computer again. Heck, I'll never be able to leave this house again. I'll have to live out my life as a hermit, not clipping my nails or cutting my hair and is burned by sunlight and run the world's banks through a disposable telephone and a corny alias. I'll be the richest hermit ever. Too bad no one will ever see me again. Hahaha.

*Drinks more of the drugged Milo in the hopes of getting high enough to forget this is happening. Or at least get enough to make me confident enough not to care. Even an overdose would be fine.*

Ask me if I have more recipes to ruin lives,
Lithuania

P.S Yes, I know this is short. And I know this is not ranting. But cut me some slack!!! I'm not high yet! And the only other thing I have to rant about are the fingerprint smudges on my camera! And Pewey, and other random sabbatical stuff, but I don't care enough for the sabbaticals to write about them, and writing about Pewey would be giving her the attention she craves and doesn't deserve.

Estonia, I'll get you new strings for your cello if you just write something for me.

Russia, please do not touch the display screen of my camera again. I'm serious. Also, help me come up with a reason for my parent sto get me a swimsuit and a watergun.

Armenia, Ukraine, help Russia. And why is no one on MSN????

Friends

Sorry. I know this is like spam. But I love this song too much, and so does the currently nonexistent Lithie. Short for Lithuania. But whatever. If you want to listen, play the vid, but if you don't, just scroll down for the post. (:

Note: This post was inspired by Armenia's. Thanks.



Friends - Stephanie
作詩：STEPHANIE・矢住夏菜 作曲：ジョー・リノイエ・MASAKI

onaji egao shiteta
同じ笑顔してた
You had on the same smile
sonna bokura mo
そんな僕らも
ikunen mo kasane sugite
幾年も重ね過ぎて
Even though the years have piled upon us

surechigau keshiki wo
すれ違う景色を
ukeirarezu ni mogaiteru
受け入れられずにもがいてる
Impatient, we ignore the scenery passing by

muda na pride sutesari
無駄なプライド捨て去り
Throw away your useless pride
kono sekai ni yasashisa wo
この世界に優しさを
Show kindness to the world

I Gotta Say
yuuki wo misetsukete mo
勇気を見せつけても　
tsuyogatte mo
強がっても
Even if we put on a courageous facade
hitori dewa ikirare nai
一人では生きられない
We cannot live alone
ano hi no yakusoku nara
あの日の約束なら
The promise you made that day
kokoro no fukaku ni nokotte iruyo
心の深くに残っているよ　
Remains deep within my heart
ima demo...
今でも
Even now

wakarete mata deai
別れてまた出会い
Partings and meetings
aratana michi ni
新たな道に　
hikari mitsuke aruki dasu
光見つけ歩き出す
Finding light walking down new roads

umarete kara zutto
生まれてからずっと
Since the day we were born
kurikaesu koto de tsunagatteku
繰り返すことで　繋がってく
This repetition has linked us together

itsu no ma ni kimi to boku no
いつの間に君と僕も
When did you and I
sorezore mirai wo te ni shite
それぞれ未来を手にして
Acquire such differing futures?

I Gotta Say
tooku hanarete itemo aenaku temo
遠く離れていても　会えなくても
Even if we're far apart and never meet again
tsuyoi kizuna wa aru kara
強い絆はあるから
There is a strong bond between us
yume ga kanaimasu you ni
「夢が叶いますように」
"Let my dreams come true"
kokoro no soko kara inotte iruyo
心の底から祈っているよ
I pray from the bottom of my heart

We're friends forever

mata au koto wo chikai yubikiri shite
また会うことを誓い ゆびきりして
Let's pledge to meet again, swear on it
bokura wa aruki dashita ne
僕らは歩き出したね
We're going to walk forward
mienai yukisaki eto
見えない行先へと
Toward an unseen destination
mayoi nagara demo susunde iruyo
迷いながらでも 進んでいるよ
Even if we're lost we'll continue
itsudemo...
いつでも
No matter what

kawari yuku kisetsu to toki no naka
変わりゆく季節と 瞬間(とき)の中
Amid the changing seasons and the flow of time
natsukashii melodies
懐かしいmelodies
Familiar melodies
otona ni natte mo
大人になっても
Even when we grow old
iroase wa shinai yo
色褪せはしないよ
They won't fade away
boku tachi no precious memories
僕達のprecious memories
Our precious memories

I Gotta Say
yuuki wo misetsukete mo tsuyogatte mo
勇気を見せつけても　強がっても
Even if we put on a courageous facade
hitori dewa ikirare nai
一人では生きられない
We cannot live alone
ano hi no yakusoku nara
あの日の約束なら
The promise you made that day
kokoro no fukaku ni nokotte iruyo
心の深くに残っているよ
Remains deep within my heart

As life goes on...
wasurecha ikenai kara yeah
忘れちゃいけないからYeah
Because we mustn't forget Yeah

Don't let it go...
kono hiroi daichi to nakama tachi no koto
この広い大地と仲間達のこと
This wide world or the people you hold dear



Ah well, if you're reading this now, that means you've gotten past the song, or you've just skipped down to the post.

If you're wondering why I'm clogging up the blog with this post, it's because I love the song, and the sentiment it holds for me. Of course, I'm turning into a sappy old crap, so if you hate saps, I suggest you... not read this.

My schook life sucks, but that's not to say that I haven't gained anything from it. In fact, I have gained. A lot.

For one, my sarcasm. From school, of course. No one at home or in my primary school could ever have given me such a vast and quick education on how to use your words to kill.

And grades. Being in such a competitive environment has helped me, no, pushed me into mugging for term tests. I used to slack in primary school, but now... not really. And I'm not that bad at my studies, considering that all my studies hinge on is my self-discipline. Which isn't very good, looking at the amount I'm posting now. But whatever.

Lastly, and definitely not the least, it has given me friends. Like the song title. ANd like the song itself, I don't think I could ever forget you guys so... *sniff sniff* we must treasure what's left of our (possibly) last year together! WE MUST REMEMBER EACH OTHER!

Yubikiri shite.

~Estonia~

And the hell ain't over yet.

Life is ridiculous.

You know they always tell us to "eat in moderation"? Well, it doesn't seem to apply to life.

Life likes throwing crap at you in the most extreme amounts. First, they give you a drought. Then, it floods.

Don't get it? You're lost? Don't worry. Here's a real life example.

Round One begins one month before the exams. We have begun to write study notes, pay extra attention in class, revise the textbooks, obtain practice papers to do, see teachers for last minute clarifications etc. All of us are ready to tear our hair out from the roots anytime now and everyone believes that stress-induced acne or at least a pressure-induced migraine is imminent.

One month later...

The exams finish. Hip hip hooray! We have relative peace for a few weeks, we rest our aching hands and catch up on the fun we missed during the gruelling exam period. We anticipate the holidays coming.

Then we remember. Shock and horror. The exams begin again soon. Ding ding! Round two. And in addition, we have all those projects we've neglected for the past few weeks. Cue panicking and stress. Also cue the buying of ice to relieve the pain of aching heads, caused by attempting to study those "not particularly well-liked" subjects, memorising of scripts last minute and staying up late to do all those projects. Oh no.

And guess what! It's excellent! *immediately gives up on the sudden burst of inspiration to be optimistic* We're not at round one and it's not over. Currently, in real life, we're just at the beginning of round two. The bell has just gone "Ding ding!", and there goes our leisure time and peace of mind.

Here we go again.

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

When school ends, you think it's over. But it isn't.

The school holidays are coming. Wow. Summer, water games, fun, and all that. Yes. But obviously, my hell of a school won't let its students off, so I shall now give you a quick rundown of what they expect us to do.

1. Holiday homework. Duh. If every school has it, so do they! I mean, we may not be a normal school, but obviously, any instrument which can torture students will be used. And homework does fine. Just fine.

2. CCA. I've to go back to school like, what, twice a week for CCA. And each time, the sessions are about eight hours long. Yes, we have a concert. Yes, we have no time. But that does not mean we do not need a bloody break.

3. Practise. You'd expect us to be let off after the CCA count, but no, they expect us to do it at home too! You should've expected this, really, seeing as I'm from the CO. But I don't bloody have the time for two concerts. And that might well be my fault. Well, I admit, it is. But whatever. Practising isn't half bad.

4. STUDY FOR BLOCK TESTS. We have blocks next term, and we are expected to study for it during the holidays. This is blasphemy. It's so... wrong.

See? My wonderful, wonderful school life. I think it's probably due to my having 2 CCAs, but I think they're going a bit overboard with the CCA and the block tests. And what do we have? A rant. Yes. I know how intelligent I am and how I should shoot myself since this should be converted into a complaint letter to the school.

Don't worry, the complaint letter will come. Soon.

~Estonia~

On Irresponsibility and stupid things like that

You might wonder what brings Estonia back to rant, since she's ranted about most of the sucky parts of her life already. Well, it's another part of my sucky school life, at least.

I'm in the CO and I've got this instructor guy who is totally irresponsible. I mean, if you can't take up responsibility, then don't do it. Why come and waste our time? I've already given up all hope on his reliability, which from the beginning was already 0.01%. Not counting the times when he tries to sell us cellos.

And today, guess what he did? At two o'clock, my SL SMSed us (the sec 1s and 2s), that we had to stay back for two hours to practise. Fine and dandy. But the next part was that we were to do that while waiting for him. And he might come any time between two to four. Fine. So we stay back.

Then, the guy doesn't turn up from two to four, and guess what? When we're all gone, and only one person (who pisses me off and whom I will rant about later) is left, he turns up. I mean, what the...? What is this?

Look, I don't actually mind if he does this just once. I'm not that mean, even if I look like I am(which I might be, but whatever.). But he does this practically all the time. He doesn't turn up for normal practise days and now tells us to stay back on a day which wasn't even meant for CCA. And doesn't turn up on time.

I simply hate people who can't be punctual, and worse, irresponsible people. Can anyone get worse than this? I highly doubt so. If you are irresponsible and not punctual, please don't act like you are and be self-righteous. It's just... stupid, and you look more like a pathetic fool than anything.

Irresponsible is someone who doesn't do what she should. Irresponsible is someone who can't meet their promises and deadlines. It just pisses me off for some reason, and even I'm like that sometimes. Hypocrite, I know. But at least I try. My very best. And what do I get for my effort? More crap than anything. And I will complain. More than you can believe possible.

Sorry, if you thought that I sound totally self-righteous and holy now, please drop that thought. Everyone has flaws, but it's just that I don't happen to be talking about mine.

~Estonia~

"Half-Life" or "No Life"

I have just realised that I have no life. Apart from studying and school, I have no life.

The fact that I have once again, nothing to do now that the holidays are beginning, is testament to the sad truth that I have no life.

Most of the time, my life is just filled with schoolwork, classes, and short breaks in the form of sleep, chatting, fiction and music. The passing of time is marked by the deadlines of the various pieces of homework given, by the end of the teacher's seemingly never-ending droning, by being woken up by my seatmate or by the bell, and by the thundering of elephants students rushing to the canteen or out of the classroom to go home.

Assignments to be rushed, projects to be discussed, presentations and speeches to be rehearsed. A post-it of an extensive to-do list, written in tiny handwriting, carefully stuck to my file to avoid the teacher's wrath or the lord forbid, a detention or any other penalty.

This is my life. And haven't you noticed almost all of that was about school?

That was actually written sometime last year. Well, not really. But it was written in hindsight of "sometime, last year".

It doesn't mention the most important part of my life, which is the people, my friends and family. What has changed in the time between today and last year: my friends.

And who are they? Well, my friends are the ones whose names are on this blog with mine. Of course, one of them (*cough*Lithie*cough*) has yet to post, and this is a shout out to her to post now.

They are my best friends, and as of yet, the largest group of friends I have had ever. I will very honestly tell you that without them, I most definitely would have had no life. I wouldn't be posting here either.

And despite all the trials and tribulations school gives, the hand ache and the heart ache, school is not half bad when you meet friends there and you get to have some fun.

Sadly, this still means that I have no life apart from the life of a student. Which in my definition of life, is under the category of "No Life".

Well, life is better. Maybe the addition of a new category is in order.

What do you think? Naming suggestions would be appreciated.

But the most cliched name would be "Half-Life".

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

Vindictive? You wish I considered that vindictive.

I would love to tell you the climax of the story right now, but I'll start from the beginning.

Once upon a time, someone wrote a fanfiction called...

Wait. I can't tell you that. Sorry. Anonimity is necessary.

Anyway, "once upon a time" is actually a few years ago. And the fanfiction that was written was reviewed by me.

Don't get me wrong. By review, I meant con-crit. I do not mean flame. I cannot flame due to my lack of ability to be mean, unless the person really deserves it, for example of a reason why, hurt one of my friends.

But this person tells me I was vindictive. And he also tells me that he didn't read any of it. This is rather interesting, because he claims that I was vindictive, but also claims that he did not read it, which means he's lying about not reading it. He also said he was not amused. I am not either.

I wrote him reviews, telling him about his grammatical errors in detail. I'm very sure that was not vindictive. (If I considered those reviews to be vindictive, I would have to be the nicest person in the world or an angel.)

There were TWENTY OR MORE spelling and grammatical errors in so few chapters (not even more than five). And when asked why, he made excuses about a crappy keyboard, and also, about it being written a while ago. He also spent disgracefully short amounts of time on it, (less than 20 minutes) and wrote it on notepad.

If a person wants to do something, they do it properly. You do not, and i repeat, DO NOT, rush a piece of writing out in anything less than an hour when you have the adequate leisure time to do so slowly. There is a reason why composition examinations are usually at least an hour long. And this is it: in order to submit a decent piece of work, at least an hour is needed to craft it. Since the teachers prefer not marking anything other than decent work, they give you an hour to write it in order to save themselves the suffering of reading an essay that shows that its author lacks proper foundations in grammar and spelling.

For fanfiction, the one-hour rule applies even more. You have no time limit, and neither is it a race to see who can finish writing first. In addition, you have the benefit of a spell-checker, and perhaps, a beta-reader to read your piece of work and comment on it.

I cannot see why people cannot bear to spend the time to do their ideas justice. I have seen too many fanfiction where the ideas are revolutionary, but the work is filled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, and thus, ruining what could have been a perfectly good fanfiction. If they are writing about an idea or belief, and they are passionate about what they are writing about, they should spend the time to make a proper piece of writing that expresses said belief or idea.

I cannot understand the people who write, but end up with pieces of work that are riddled with errors. If they don't want to put in effort, why do they even write? Why do they bother to write, when they can't be bothered about clicking a few buttons here and there to check their work for spelling errors? Why do they bother to publish their work when they can't be bothered to scroll down for a bit and read through what they've written to check for grammatical errors?

I just can't understand.

Obviously, this is another one of those mysteries of life that I will never understand. If one of you reading this know the answer, do tell me.

I'd love to know why.

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

The world's gone crazy; and senseless, apparently

You would know, if you've read my last post. Said anti-flamer unfortunately has a bunch of backers. I mean, what age is she, five? Who actually writes a poem on flamers? (Unless it's on how much we rock, then I don't mind. Really.)

And I'm here to tell all of us here how much these anti-flamers are deluding themselves. More often than not, they think that they're holy and that their pieces are flawless, so they blow their top over every little flame and go bonkers over us. I mean, it's flattering to be obsessed over, but by little gits like these? Nuh-uh. No can do.

Well, as my title goes, the world's going crazy. Are we all so pampered right now that we can't even accept a little criticism? Or a little bit of reality? Which probably is much worse than how we describe it. These people are lame.

And if you're thinking right now that I'm lame for even bothering to write this, then yeah. I think so too. To the serious matters.

What I hate is the way people repulse flamers. I don't see what's wrong with us. I mean, it's simple. If we flame your story, that just means it's crap and should be removed. If we don't flame your story that means that 1. Your story is just... okay. Okay, but not good enough for praise yet. or 2. We haven't read it. And if we praise that means your story's good. Duh. But this happens rarely. So yeah. And to you all infantile, worthless crap-writers out there, we know how bad you are but if you would just listen to our advice instead of whine I think you'd make a much better writer. Seriously.

Another thing. You tend to have a few "standard" replies, to which I have some things to say. Listen up, peel your eyes, whatever. As long as you absorb it and don't give me these worthless replies.

1. "It's just fiction!"
This is the worst. Your disclaimer for one thing says that the story belongs to the author. So please make the thing sound at least remotely like the story instead of that incoherent, fake crap you gave me in Afica. I mean, what the hell?

2. "It's called FANfiction. We can do anything we like with the characters!" (basically OOC)
You say the characters belong to the authors and now you say they belong to you. Wow.

3. "So you think you can write better?"
I reserve my right as a reader to say that you suck. And rest assured that I do have better writing abilities than you do, so go to hell and never come back.

4. "You're being unreasonable. Others seem to like my story!"
What!? You actually believe those tasteless suck-ups?

5. "You're a meanie and are bullying me!"
Oh, whatever. In future when you finally meet GLaDOS you'll know how nice I am.

6. "I'll report you!"
So you think FanFiction likes having your crap of a story on their board? Well, you have another think coming. I think they'd sooner remove it than ban me.

7. "I was depressed while I wrote this!"
Feel the emo. Just feel it. I mean, it's practically leaking out of your every pore. Unfortunately, your story's too crap to be showing any of this.

8. "I'm dyslexic!"
Nothing ever banned dyslexics from using Spell Check. Unless it banned you because you had too many errors, which actually is possible, but nothing ever stopped you from reading.

That's all for now. If I find more of such crap replies I'll post it here. But one of my favourite responses now is "this character belongs to Neopets" and something along the lines of "your story should be put into the trash where it belongs, with most others, in fact". Sorry if I pissed you off. I'm like that.

~Estonia~

A Poem about Flamers? Do you actually call THAT a poem?

Flamers
Why do some viewers;
Always flame;
Why do they say some stories;
Are so lame;
It hurts the author’s feelings;
It makes them mad;
When flamers say;
Their stories are bad;
Are they mean;
Are they bored;
Do they have no life;
Are they crazy or mad;
If they are;
That’s really sad;
So to all you flamers;
Try to be polite;
And don’t shun;
And as you could see;
This poem is done!

Can you call this poetry? This is not poetry, for goodness sake. This is a paragraph about flamers, with pathetic attempts to rhyme, with the author pressing "enter" at regular intervals.

I say pathetic attempts to rhyme, because this author is unable to come up with other words to rhyme with sad, bad or mad. She is also incapable, it seems, of using a thesaurus to find another word for sad, and from there, taking the synonym of sad and finding a word that rhymes with it. And how on earth does sad rhyme with polite? Or bored rhyme with mad?

This has happened as there is also something called a stanza, which this disgruntled author has obviously failed to realize.

Here is the same poem after I divided it into stanzas, under the assumption that it was four lines to a stanza.

Flamers

Why do some viewers;
Always flame;
Why do they say some stories;
Are so lame;

It hurts the author’s feelings;
It makes them mad;
When flamers say;
Their stories are bad;

Are they mean;
Are they bored;
Do they have no life;
Are they crazy or mad;

If they are;
That’s really sad;
So to all you flamers;
Try to be polite;
And don’t shun;
And as you could see;
This poem is done!

And even then, it still did not make sense. So I divided it again.

Flamers .

Why do some viewers;
Always flame;
Why do they say some stories;
Are so lame;

It hurts the author’s feelings;
It makes them mad;
When flamers say;
Their stories are bad;

Are they mean;
Are they bored;
Do they have no life;
Are they crazy or mad;
If they are;
That’s really sad;

So to all you flamers;
Try to be polite;
And don’t shun;
And as you could see;
This poem is done!

After the second time, the content made sense. But it became apparent that the author knows nothing about stanzas, considering that the number of lines in a stanza changed from four to six to five.

She has also no consistency with the format of the poem, which at a short glance, I assumed to be ABCB with four lines to a stanza, which means that the last words of the second and fourth lines rhyme and the first and third do not rhyme with each other or with the second and fourth lines.

And, Russia, she cannot write epic sonnets. A sonnet is a poem of fourteen lines that follows a strict rhyming scheme and specific structure. We shall be left to doubt that she will be able to follow said strict rhyming scheme and specific structure considering her obvious inability to be consistent with following a format, or to even use a proper rhyming scheme in the first place.

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

On Immaturity

Oh, I know that I've ranted about fanfic once before. But I simply cannot let this go. It's too horrible. Read this.

"Hello.
If you are a flamer, I need to ask a question to you.
What’s the point in flaming?
I mean, you go around fanfiction criticizing people for stupid reasons!
OH NO!
I RHYMED MAD WITH SAD OR BAD!
WHAT A CRIME!
If you flamers did not notice, I am being sarcastic!
Celebrities rhyme med with bad or sad.
If you listen to a certain song by Shania Twain, you will hear her rhyme those words.
I forgot which song but she still does!
And why do you even flame?
Can’t you just say you hate the story and leave it at that?
And flamers call the authors idiots!
And the anonymous flamers don't even write stories!
So if you are an anonamous flamer, I wouldn't be so mean!
I like my stories!
So I can assure you that I will not take them down.
Fanfiction is a website where you can unleash your imagination.
Need proof?
Look in the top left corner!
It is not the author’s fault that the ‘flamer rate’ has increase on this website!
It is the people who flame’s fault!
I know what you are going to do next, you are going to click the review button and flame this chapter/author’s note.
See, you just wasted several minutes of your life reading something you are just going to say you think sucks anyway!
Goodbye!
R&R!
Flamers could crawl back to their holes!"

Well. Immature posts like these shouldn't be there at all, but for some reason, they are. FanFiction should filter stories. Really they should. If they did our lives wouldn't be half as bad as they are now.

Sometimes, we think that flamers are just a bunch of mean, insensitive bitches who go around insulting stories and scolding people. Maybe we are. I'm not going to deny it and say that we're nice people inside, since we are mean, insensitive bitches. And that's why we do our jobs so well and make you people so pissed off.

I'm not going to say that I don't are for this post, either. In fact, I do. A lot. Because it's so annoying and hilarious it's bordering on the line of childish. Oh, it's already across the border. If you want a link to the post you can click here. Oh, and read the reviews. It's heartening to find other bitches of my kind, and I was sure glad.

Back to the topic. Of course, this author thought her stories were good. Well maybe you don't see it, but you've got to go to the post and read it, from the author's note all the way down. And then you'll find out the immaturity that lurks in ffnet and and feel disappointed. Sorry, but it's the cold, cruel truth.

She said that "celebrities rhyme med with mad or bad". Obviously she hasn't seen celebrities, i.e. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. If they rhymed that, actually, I would applaud them. Why on earth would anyone make literary references to celebrities? Especially modern ones. I mean, hello.

Another part was on "What's the point in flaming". Destroying others' lives, that's what. As if we had that much time. I mean, it's not that we don't, but we're not that lame. Not quite.

"Can't you just say you hate the story and leave it at that?" Oh God. Sorry, Raine, but this is worthy of the phrase. I mean, seriously? What's wrong with her? How more narrow-minded can she get?

"FanFiction is a website where you can unleash your imagination". I'm sure. But not when it becomes so bloody absurd that humans start mating and impregnating lions. And if you want to read that, click here.

Although I should first caution you of the brain-breaking potential of the horrifying story. Don't say I didn't warn you.

And if we're going to get these bad attitudes from the writers in ff.net, I think we're going to die of the non-literateness of literate people. As if we haven't got enough.

Oh and before I forget, and just for your sake, I shall post my reply here:

Ah, I see. Another one of these. Well, I think you've got us flamers a bit wrong, and I'd like to give you a little insight on how we think, and why we flame.

Firstly, I haven't really seen any flamers who've flamed YOU, so I can't say this about all flamers, but for me, I only flame when the fanfic really deserves to be. Sometimes, I'll see stuff that DON'T deserve to be posted on here AT ALL. And unfortunately your little rant is one of them.

I think that it's just that you have a bit of a problem against flamers. Of course, maybe I'm wrong and we're really just mean people. But I do know for one that we flame for a REASON. If your story was good, we wouldn't flame it, would we? If we didn't flame, I think this place would be FLOODED with crap stories. I'm not saying that it isn't already, but still.

I don't deny that I've found many good pieces here. Of course I have. You seem to have the idea that flamers are just a bunch of bored, mean people with nothing better to do than to flame. Child, if we were mean and bored we'd go smoke pot and go to gangfights.

Obviously you think that us flamers flame people for stupid reasons. I can’t say we don’t, because for us to have to flame for stupid reasons actually means that you have to make stupid mistakes first.

Flamers are there for a reason, and so are fanfics. Fanfic authors want to write. Flamers want to read. Readers and writers are dependent on each other. Fanfic authors reserve their right to write, and flamers/readers reserve their right to read and critique. What’s the problem? There’s no conflict. If the flaming gets out of hand then there obviously is something very wrong with the story and you should go review it. So what’s the problem? I don’t see any here, and by writing this I think you are insulting our right as readers to critique your work.

And by saying that “It is not the author’s fault that the ‘flamer rate’ has increase on this website”, then I’m telling you now that no, actually it is. If the writer hadn’t written a crap story, we wouldn’t be there to flame it, would we?

“Can’t you just say you hate the story and leave it at that?”. Well, we can, but we want to give you comments on how you can improve your story. Your narrow-mindedness shocks me.

“Some celebrities rhyme med with bad or sad.” Just look at Paris Hilton. Just look.

“See, you just wasted several minutes of your life reading something you are just going to say you think sucks anyway.” And you wasted hours of your life writing this.

And I hope you enjoyed this. Why? Because I did.

~Estonia~

Oh god. The immaturity of some people...

I love lovely poems. And flaming. So when you combine those two together, you get a lovely poem for flamers which I find extremely amusing. Oh, and the poem part? I lied (can't stand poems, actually) *Lithie and Armenia arrives wielding choppers*

Anyway, the poem was lovely. I liked it. It goes like this (I even made up a tune for it!):

Flamers
Why do some viewers;
Always flame;
Why do they say some stories;
Are so lame;
It hurts the author’s feelings;
It makes them mad;
When flamers say;
Their stories are bad;
Are they mean;
Are they bored;
Do they have no life;
Are they crazy or mad;
If they are;
That’s really sad;
So to all you flamers;
Try to be polite;
And don’t shun;
And as you could see;
This poem is done!

Well, two observations. One, the author can't write poems. Never consider poems as a career choice, m'dear. Do you want to join me in world domination instead? Or maybe not. She might spend time composing epic sonnets rather than helping the cause (what cause? the wildlife cause, of course!). Second, this author is really immature.

Aw man, come on. If you can't even take a little criticism (okay... maybe not so little) then how are going to go out in the real world? There are murderers, backstabbers, mean bosses and politicians! We flamers are small fry compared to them.

I didn't get annoyed or irritated. Really! Stop looking so sceptical! I even smiled! It really was very amusing. Funny, even. To think that someone would be so affected by our flames that they even bother to write a whole poem on flamers. She also posted it in the twilight archive when I wasn't even fanfiction.

Oh, look! She posted a second chapter. *goes off to read it* I put it here for the benefit of those poor souls who can't find it. How thoughtful of me :]

Hello.
If you are a flamer, I need to ask a question to you.
What’s the point in flaming?
I mean, you go around fanfiction criticizing people for stupid reasons!
OH NO!
I RHYMED MAD WITH SAD OR BAD!
WHAT A CRIME!
If you flamers did not notice, I am being sarcastic!
Celebrities rhyme med with bad or sad.
If you listen to a certain song by Shania Twain, you will hear her rhyme those words.
I forgot which song but she still does!
And why do you even flame?
Can’t you just say you hate the story and leave it at that?
And flamers call the authors idiots!
And the anonymous flamers don't even write stories!
So if you are an anonamous flamer, I wouldn't be so mean!
I like my stories!
So I can assure you that I will not take them down.
Fanfiction is a website where you can unleash your imagination.
Need proof?
Look in the top left corner!
It is not the author’s fault that the ‘flamer rate’ has increase on this website!
It is the people who flame’s fault!
I know what you are going to do next, you are going to click the review button and flame this chapter/author’s note.
See, you just wasted several minutes of your life reading something you are just going to say you think sucks anyway!
Goodbye!
R&R!
Flamers could crawl back to their holes

I have many things to say about this. Prepare yourself for an extremely long rant.

'What’s the point in flaming? I mean, you go around fanfiction criticizing people for stupid reasons! ' We do NOT criticise people for stupid reasons. We flame when it is flame-worthy. The point of flaming is to tell people where they went wrong. A bit like when you speed, you get a ticket. (no ones likes tickets... and flames :o )

'And why do you even flame? Can’t you just say you hate the story and leave it at that? ' If we just said we hated the story, won't the flame-ees be more sad? Imagine someone telling you that they hated you without telling you the reason. I don't know for you, but for most people, they would be puzzled and hurt. More hurt than when people tell you the reasons why they hate you, I'm sure.

I am anticipating her reply to me. I love pointing out mistakes. *rubs hands in glee* Maybe that's why Armenia says that I will cause people to cry with my flames, and me and Lithie combined will cause mass suicides worldwide. *laughes happily* I think I am just that little closer to becoming a crazy dictator.

Russia~

Honestly, how absurd can people get?

I have now figured out the reason why people bomb themselves up. Call it a stroke of genius, whatever. Well, the reason why people bomb themselves up is because of some really bad fanfiction out there. I mean, after reading a story like Agony in Pink (not that I read it... just the summary) who would want to remain on this miserable earth and let bad mental images keep rewinding itself in your head? I'd rather bomb millions of people up. (which is not saying much, as I am currently planning world domination)

But still, with the amount of rubbish on the net, I'm surprised the internet hasn't combusted. Yet. For the masochists out there, you can find stories like Celebrian, Agony in Pink, Cho Chang's desires and Draco's Christmas Cuppa somewhere in a dusty corner of the net. I'm not telling you where. *ducks under the table as Lithie start throwing knives and demanding for the links*

I read Celebrian (with all the appropriate warnings). It was a horrible experience I never hope to experience again. (I am extremely masochistic). *screams as bad mental images start forming in her demented brain*

While talking about bad mental images, maybe I should explain how my brain functions. You can skip this if you're bored. Nothing important. My brain is polluted. Seriously. It has evil, black bunnies running free inside it. And all work for this evil machine *cough* Glados's twin *cough*
who controls them. And they form bad mental images everytime someone accidentally spouts innuendos. (Estonia is very frustrated with my black bunnies)

I am a sick, twisted person. I probably got dropped on the head when I was a kid. Anyway, on to happy thoughts. I flamed a very bad story on fanfiction.net today and gained satisfaction from it. (am extremely sadistic too) But it was waiting to be flamed. I mean, a word like preposterousness?

Keeping to the topic, I found that monsters people on ff.net ship Hermione with almost everyone. Sirius, Remus, James Sr., Voldemort, Dumbledore, Snape... you get the idea. It's infuriating and stupid. They are old enough to be her father! Even her grandfather! *blood pressure rises drastically*

I think I need to start talking about positive things, or I may turn out to be some sort of suicidal serial killer maniac. *does yoga* An extremely sadistic and extremely masochistic suicidal serial killer maniac is never nice.





Russia~

What is the world coming to these days?

For goodness sake, I have no idea what the world is coming to nowadays. Have you seen the standard of English used by most bloggers or fanfiction writers? Even better, sometimes, it isn't even ENGLISH. It's words from another language randomly inserted in the middle of a sentence or two of English words.

Firstly, the people who do this really need to figure out that the internet is a community of people from all over the world. Not everyone knows, for example, how to read Chinese or French, and seeing words of two different languages in one sentence is frustrating, especially when you can't understand one of them.

Secondly, there is no rule that the same word may not be used twice on the same blog. The way some people use the thesaurus is atrocious. (Forgive me for using this word. It is used for lack of a better word to express my disgust)

There is no need to use the thesaurus to look up difficult, complicated words to show off your "vocabulary", and there is also no need to use said words in every single sentence. The main point of writing is to get the point across clearly and NOT so you can, for example of the sort words people like this would use, "flaunt" your "mediocre" vocabulary, and also NOT for you to attempt to marvel over the "intiguing and perplexing" things in the world (especially if you do this with terribly and irritatingly complicated words)


While reading such blog entries or fanfiction, I usually end up grabbing the nearest dictionary and searching frantically for meanings. Without the help of the dictionary, I probably would not understand half of what was being written.

And as a conclusion, I would just like to leave a little sample here, for those of you who write such things or for those of you who haven't seen anything like what I'm talking about.

The sample begins here: Although I have no place to "castigate" the people who write fanfiction or their own blogs in this manner, I feel that they should realise that their behaviour is "despicable", "reprehensible" and utterly "reproachable" and they should reflect upon their own actions and change their ways. And the sample ends here.

For those people who write like this: A taste of your own medicine. How is it?

For those people who haven't seen anything like this: Shock and horror? Same here.

For the people who've seen more than enough of this type of writing: Sorry for making your life more miserable. Go find some good writing or some humour to negate the effect.

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

Friends

YOU WERE THERE FOR ME"©
Words escape me at this moment that seems like the end yet it is only the beginning when friendships are close and dreams are far you were there for me. Tears fill me with memories of both good and bad some nearly forgetton yet all dear to the heart you were there for me. In times of trouble and in times of thanks you stood by my side and held me up. Through your ever-patient ears to your comforting hugs you were there for me. From that first day when I saw you and knew that you would love me for who I was you were there for me. And until the day when we are old and gray I will always know that you are there for me.

'RAINE'

Still Alive

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science:
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you.

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta we're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa -
THAT WAS A JOKE. HA HA, FAT CHANCE.

Anyway, this cake is great:
It's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Still alive
Still alive

If you were wondering what this is, it's the lyrics of my current favourite song Still Alive from a Half-life sidegame: Portal. I know i am spamming the blog, but it's best to post when one still feels enthuasiastic. So, here it is.

Well, I love this song and its singer, GLaDOS, who supposedly has a tragic (or not so) past. According to the story I best accept (and which was told to me by Lithuania), GLaDOS was the daughter of a mad scientist who brought her to his lab on Bring Your Daughter To Work Day.

Well, and what he did to change his little kiddo into an AI was to, erm, promise her cake if she would behave... which meant letting him transplant her brain into the AI. And, eventually, letting her control the AI with her mind, and be forever trapped in the robot body.

This is the most logical explanation. Since she seems to have a weird obsession with cake and helping Chell.

Chell is actually the protagonist of the game. I think she's the clone of the old human GLaDOS, but that's not very possible because Chell is grown-up and GLaDOS was probably a small child when she was forced to do the brain transplant, so maybe Chell was the clone of her sister or mother or something like that.

Of course, being an AI, GLaDOS has to be programmed to be evil. However, her nature is probably kind, and probably perky, so she tries to help Chell. Conflicting intentions (i.e. to be nice or to be evil) sometimes impair her speech, as displayed in the game where static sounds come out while she talks.

Ouch. I do know that these are spoilers. And sorry, since you've read it. But it's an adorable game and you should try it for yourself! (:

~Estonia~

When you get stuck in that little oblivion

Well, what oblivion, you might wonder. Of course, it's not literal darkness, but just piles and piles of homework.

Yes, here's the long-awaited high-school rant. Ah, we rant about teachers, homework, CCAs and all that. The norm.

But what makes it so nice to rant about? Well, here's a little insight on the sad school lives of ------- -----. --, don't sue us please.

Firstly, we have this stupid thing called SIAs. Student Initiated Assignments. Student initiated? Over my dead body. No, it's still a lie even when I die. But whatever. The school implemented it, for God's sake. Really, it's more of a school initiated assessment than anything. I mean, nobody will actually invent a bloody chinese book report to do. Nobody in their right minds, except for the school, who obviously is in their left. Sorry. I know I am lame.

Another thing we have is maths lessons. Yes, we all have algebra to torture us worldwide (though I find it quite fun, I must say). But somehow, maths lessons, science lessons, geog lessons and historylessons just... dry us up. Although they encourage imagination, i.e. when we're daydreaming in class. Yes.

And can I be evil and complain about our teachers? Sometimes we get idiot deadlines that are so bloody near and we almost can't complete the thing. And so I really hope no teacher comes across this blog. Fervently.

Oh. And P.E. PE is there to ruin our lives. Literally.

And that's for the bad side. Well, of course, school has its good aspects too.

For example, I get to learn the cello for free, and sometimes I even enjoy it. Well, yes, it's nice. When you get to bond as a student group. Ah yes, CCAs are fun. Sometimes. When you aren't being slave-driven to get Gold With Honours for all competitions. Or arranging the next karaoke session.

Sorry, inside joke.

And yes, well, when you mug for tests and get good results back, it's nice. (Others, please don't kill me for this.)

Lastly, and the best-ly, the friends. The friends you meet there probably are the best and the closest, since you see them every day. Of course there're the enemies too, but let's just say friends are much more worth remembering, and without enemies to bitch about, life's simply no fun.

Yes, now I sound like a sentimental sap. But it's just that sometimes we shouldn't just look at one side of things (although sometimes things only have one side). Learn to treasure the little bits of fun in between the suck-ishness, and yes, you will be happy and not turn snarky and bitchy like me.

~Estonia~

What happens when you try to copy Twilight - and fail

This post is a rant about a book. And not just any book, of course, but a crap book. Sorry if you're the writer and you're reading this, but I think this was a bad copy of Twilight, and even Stephanie Meyer wrote better than this. I mean, yes. I know you can't believe it, but it's true. So here's a pic for you to look at:

Yes, that's the one. The ridiculous book trying to rip-off Twilight. Which, let me tell you, is bad enough. I mean, get over yourself already.

The protagonist of this story is a ridiculous-sounding, whiny, mary-sue, idiot "vamp" as she calls herself. And seriously, I can't stand her. I mean, she's worse than Bella.

Oh, yes, you come to vamp school, overthrow the Queen Bee, grab her boyfriend, and make everyone else fall in love with you. And oh, all the criterion of a mary-sue are met; bad family, popular, nice, pretty (since she's a vamp). Look. Just look. We certainly have enough things to pollute our minds and we do NOT need another one. Like this.

And if you're wondering why I despise mary-sues so, it's because I simply CAN'T STAND THEM. Most of them are shameless author self-inserts who want all the guys to fall in love with them. I mean, get over yourself. The world, unlike what you believe, does not revolve around your character.

And seriously, what makes you think a teacher will fall in love with, as you call yourself, a "freak"?

So please, don't pollute our minds. We've got enough to deal with as it is.

~Estonia~

An Idiot's Guide to...The Rants of the Soviet Union (the blog, not the rants)

If you are thinking of calling me a bitch, loser, bigot, or any other creative names that can't get past the filter, I calmly introduce you to the big red button with a cross at the top left/right hand corner. No more warnings shall be given, and if you insist on staying and whining about our whining, we shall cease to be civil. You have been warned.

Kindly do not recommend any fanfiction to me if said piece of work has bad grammar or plot, excessive (grandiloquent) vocabulary (a result of excessive use of the thesaurus) , or Mary-Sues. Unless it's written by yourself and you don't mind a whole lot of con -crit. The same goes for pieces by authors who lack the common sense to use the marvelous invention called the spell checker.

Last but not least, you will not attempt to ask us our names, where we live or for any other personal information. Any attempt to do so will be replied with a clip from the song 'Still Alive" from Portal, where GLaDOS goes "HAHA. FAT CHANCE".

ℓαяmεηίαℓ

Oh no, another rant?

I am puzzled. Really puzzled. Puzzled at the fanfiction authors in Vampire Knight (fanfiction.net). Or at least, a certain author. She has single-handedly destroyed, in each of her 22 stories, the VK universe.

In her stories, the character from the manga seem like they have taken drugs, and her OCs (original characters) seem like they were cut out from paper. They have no personality whatsoever. They are just there to raep ...*cough* get the the male characters to fall in love with them. And she writes in the second person.

Her prose is horrendous, her characters are stupid and she fails at grammar and spelling. She has managed to make a character rape his own arm around someone's shoulder merely by missing out a letter! A useful skill, I'm sure. I am a self-confessed grammar nazi, and I could practically feel my blood pressure rising as I read the... block of words strung together. There is no structure, nothing! Her punctuation was missing!

She fails at formatting too. Hasn't ANYONE taught her how to paragraph? She puts huge chunks of words together, and my eyes water even as I am reading it. *takes tissue*

Now, for the characters. *composes herself for long speech* I was speechless after reading what she calls fanfiction. Nothing in it tells me that it is fanfiction other than the names. Zero acts like a weak idiot, Kain acts like a crazy flirt, and Aidou acts like a crazy monkey. Well, not really. I haven't read the raping of Aidou yet. (the personality! What were you thinking? You dirty people!)

Now, the girls in the fandom are non-existent. Dead. Ruka, Rima, Seiren, Yuuki, and even Shindou were all packed up and sent to a girls' home. And the OCs *cough* paper cut-outs *cough* all swarm over the VK boys now that the girls are gone! *hears screams from the moon dormitory*

Whew. That was long. And I still haven't talked about the OCs. They are trash which should be roasted over a slow fire. Or dropped into the forbidden forest for Aragog and his acromantula babies to enjoy. Or thrown to the lions in the Roman arena. They would be better off dead.

Hm...Maybe I can recruit them to my army for world domination. *manical laughter* At least I could use them.

Russia~

Bad fics - and what makes one

Well here we are with the first post! (: And yes, I know we sound like a bunch of bitches, but what can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. No wait, there's something you can do, and that's to shut up and read and leave off the idea of spamming the chatbox, if there even will be one. I think we're too slack to bother.

But whatever. Getting down to business should come first.

Since this is the first post, well of course the functions of the blog should be introduced. And perhaps that should be done on the sidebars, but well... who cares?

This is not a bitching blog, for the first thing. It's a channel where we let the, er, suckier parts of our extremely sucky lives be known. And yes, it's a lot, so deal with it.

And that's basically it. If you don't want to hear the truth, the best thing to do is to click that little red X on the top right-hand corner of the screen.

And here we come to the best part of the post (to me, at least). The ranting! Of course! That was what you were here for, wasn't it? Well, here goes.

This should be a rant against all bad fic. We'll probably have, what, a million more posts about bad fic in general, but this shall be the first. Ha!

Of course, everyone knows that writers belong to three categories.
1. The Good, who have good storylines, can write coherently without much grammatical error, whose characters are not mary-sues.
2. The Horrible, who have bad storylines, cannot write coherently and spell Africa as "Afica". And whose characters are mary-sues/gary-stues who, sometimes, mate with lions. Bleah.
3. The okay, who lie between the two categories. Bad storyline/grammar, but good storyline/grammar (delete as appropriate).

If you happen to lie in number 3, which I do, I guess you're average. After all, no one is perfect. And number 1s are few and far between. As in, probably only 0.5% of the writers in the world are this good, and no, this 0.5% unfortunately does not include Stephanie Meyer. And she dangles dangerously close to 2, in fact, but let's not get carried away and let Meyer rants continue in another post (and this is not considering the fact that her vamps sparkle.).

And of course, you may disagree with me, and think that Meyer is holy. Well, I'm not anti-Meyer or anything, but I certainly don't think much of her books, except for the overflowing romance and mary-sue/gary-stu-ness. Which kind of puts her in 2, if not for her good grammar. Which, if you think about it, may have been contributed to by her editor.

And so we digress. Sorry, couldn't help it.

So, about bad fic authors. Of course, many people like to fantasise about themselves being perfect, e.g. have wings, are rich, are beautiful, et cetera. If you've read Twilight or any of the said Meyer books, you'll know. The antagonist is a mary-sue, but ah, we'll touch on that next time (do I already sound like a Twilight hater? I'm not one. It's just that her books are famous enough to reference to.).

And yes, back to the illusions. Then what these people do is grab their favourite book, like Harry Potter, and shamelessly insert their, well, self-inserts. Of course, sometimes you get self-inserts like Airy Otter falling in love with Dumbledore, but let's not get to that first.

And when they do so, sometimes they like to start "raping canon", as we call it. Of course, I've got nothing against that. Okay, so I do. But no, what if Dumbledore gets revived? Or McGonagall marries Dumbledore (eew)? Or, as aforementioned, Airy Otter falls in ove with Dumbledore, and who later get married? No, these are not just canon-rapes, it's bloody murder, and insult. Yes, insult. There's nothing wrong with McGonagall marrying Dumbledore, of course, but... that's just over the top. And by the way, Dumbledore is, if you haven't noticed, gay. Which somehow doesn't make that pairing right. Yes, it's just... wrong. Oh, you haven't seen the worst. Not yet! Of course, hardly anything can get worse than a gary-stu falling in love with a lioness, but nothing's impossible, and yes, we really do not want to see another similar piece of crap dumped in that already crappy place.

And then there's the grammar. And the vocab, of course. When you haven't mastered the fundamentals of language, why write? Why not go back to your books and start learning how to write a coherent sentence or two? It certainly wouldn't hurt, and would do a world of good for the illiterate population who, of course, do not need to come in contact or come up with crap grammar/vocab fics.

Then, sometimes people simply like to be grandiloquent and overuse vocab. Vocab was there to make your writing better, not worse, and why try writing something which you have to use the thesaurus half the time to come up with? Oh God, no. We don't need you to be totally pro, and wow, someone who seems to have the vocab equivalent of Shakespeare. No, what we need is something coherent and correct; that'd do, even if you use the vocab span of a nine-year-old. No, it's better than overusing things and end up sounding pretentious and fake.

What else is there? Oh, loads. In fact, there's a lot to rant about for bad fic authors and bad fic itself, but let's give bad fic a break and zoom in on the authors.

Some authors are twisted. They like gore, blood and sex. Then Harry Potter turns into a sex maniac and sleeps with Hermione and, what, McGonagall? Eew. We do NOT need that, I know. Sorry, it's crude, but true. And yes, I know, I'll try my best not to ruin your mind with Celebrian, but let Russia do that. I don't have anything against gore, blood and sex, but when you're underage and have not experienced _____________ (insert as appropriate) before, obviously you should go back and write something your own age. And try to keep off the porn.

Then the self-inserts. Yes, already mentioned, but self-inserts, or OCs as they sometimes call it, reflect much about the fic and the author themself. Of course, having a mary-sue character does not necessarily mean that the plot will suck, but chances are, since the mary-sue has her eye on some guy, she will probably get the guy. And end up being courted by, what, twenty others. And I'm not just saying this.

Oh, and ah. You might wonder what happens when writers get carried away with their imaginations and create a fic which totally exceeds the boundaries of the real world. Of course, we do sometimes get cases of humans having sex with elephants/dogs/_____(insert as appropriate), but that's not to say that yu can go too far with your fic. I mean, although it's known as fiction, that doesn't mean you can totally exceed the boundaries of the real world and go totally non-realistic about this. Unless you're telling me that the universe you created is filled with paedophiles/people who sleep with lions/____________(insert as appropriate), then please, let my eyes and my brain off. Please.

And, oh, before I get carried away and forget, we should touch upon a bit of the aspects of a good fic. I may not be a good writer, but I daresay I'm an okay reader, and I definitely reserve my right as a reader to rant about lousy fics. And books, as you will later find out.

The good fics have, of course, lots of conditions to fulfill. And, as you have already realised, good fics are few and far between. That may be because I'm a perfectionist bitch and want everything to be perfect, but yes, I do feel that these conditions have to be met to make a good fic. And no, ff.net does not always have such good fics. Not always. But sometimes, albeit very seldom, they do. And it's heartwarming and relieving to read one, because you find that good writers are not extinct, and that there is someone or something out there who can churn out good books for the future generation.
1. Good grammar and use of vocabulary. Duh! Who wants to read something incoherent?
2. Good storyline which makes sense and is realistic. The pairing may not be something we want, but you can't satisfy everyone, so just go with what you like.
3. No shameless mary-sue self-inserts. Unless it's a nice, realistic self-insert, which would then make my day, since they're so few. So very, very few.

Generally, these are the conditions. Not a lot to ask for, is it? I mean, of course, that's not actually considering the character development, or the themes, or whatever it is Harper Lee does so well and makes the rest of us feel inferior. But besides that. Those three conditions make a good fic. It's simple, yet so hard to attain.

Yes, I may be a bloody bitch. But that's not to say that my conditions are unreasonable. And of course, to all fic writers out there (including me), continue looking for good ideas, good characters and good pairings. I look forward to reading more good fics.

~Estonia~